Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
what day is it and did you see me today?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
