Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
