VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize