I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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