I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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