Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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