he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
