in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
