we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
