i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
