Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
