..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize