Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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