We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
