i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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