Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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