i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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