I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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