I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
