There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
