i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
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Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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