My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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