but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
