I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
