You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
