who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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