This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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