"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
