I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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