he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
