Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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