our cab driver is having phone sex.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
