He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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