I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
