oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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