True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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