Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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