his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
