a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
