One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just want nice things and good sex
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
