1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
