sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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