Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
