dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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