now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
