I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
