google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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