Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
