dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i drank out of a bidet.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He did a backflip because drugs
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