Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
