Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
