i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i am craving dick and cupcakes
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
