i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize