i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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