party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
