I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
