Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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