see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
