I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
