Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
