She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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