my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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