You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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