I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
