saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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