god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
