i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
