and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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