I just threw up on my dentist
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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