one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
