I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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