im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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