my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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