I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
