I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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