what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
